Actual Samuel Goldwyn Quotes
Movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn was notorious for his misuses of the language. But he also had quite the sharp wit. Sometimes his wit is mistaken for verbal flub, while other times a verbal flub is the only conceivable explanation.
"Can she sing? She's practically a Florence Nightingale."
(F.N. was the founder of modern nursing)
"Why did you do that? Every Tom, Dick and Harry is named Sam!"
(when a friend told him he named his son Sam)
"You've got to take the bull between your teeth!"
"I want to make a picture about the Russian secret police - the GOP."
(He didn't mean the Republican Party. He meant the Russian KGB)
"I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them at least five years."
"I don't think anyone should write his autobiography until after he's dead."
"For your information, just answer me one question!"
"You fail to overlook the crucial point."
"In two words, impossible."
"It's absolutely impossible, but it has possibilities."
"An oral contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."
"I've gone where the hand of man has never set foot."
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined."
"If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive."
"They stayed away in droves."
"I don't want yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell the truth, even if it costs them their jobs."
"I read part of it all the way through."
"I had a great idea this morning, but I didn't like it."
"If I look confused it's because I'm thinking."
"That's the trouble with directors. Always biting the hand that lays the golden egg."
"Go see that turkey for yourself, and see for yourself why you shouldn't see it."
"Give me a couple of years, and I'll make that actress an overnight success."
"If I were in this business only for the business, I wouldn't be in this business."
"I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong."
"Yes, but keep copies."
(When his secretary asked him if she should destroy files that were over ten years old)
"True, I've been a long time making up my mind, but now I'm giving you a definite answer: I won't say yes, and I won't say no, but I'm giving you a definite maybe."
Humor and Whimsey