Actual Things People Said

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world,
I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but
not with all those flies and death and stuff."
- Mariah Carey


"I haven't committed a crime.
What I did was fail to comply with the law."
- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor,
answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.


"Smoking kills.
If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign


"The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the environment.
This is a good planet."
- Mr. New Jersey contestant when asked what he would do with a million dollars.


"Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind."
- General William Westmoreland, during the war in Vietnam


"Outside of the killings,
Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC


Question: "If you could live forever, would you and why?"
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever,
but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest


"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.


Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
- Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower


"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
- Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery


"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks


"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces
some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana ...
The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two,
but can't remember what they are."
- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22


"They're multipurpose.
Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off."
- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company
charged the Air Force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers


"The streets are safe in Philadelphia.
It's only the people who make them unsafe."
- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia


"The president has kept all of the promises he intended to keep."
- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on "Larry King Live"



I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers.
We are the president."
- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents


"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal,
the school board is extremely pleased to announce
the appointment of David Steele to the post."
- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island


"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and I'm just the one to do it."
- A congressional candidate in Texas


"I think the best incentive is being able to put my jeans on again."
- Monica Lewinsky, on whether she is receiving financial incentives
from Jenny Craig to lose weight

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