Actual Welfare Applications I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died, which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.  I am writing to the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money? Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children . . . Can you tell me why? I am glad to report that my husband who was reported missing is dead. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it? Please find out for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't eat or do anything until he knows. I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie, as I was married to his father a week before he was born. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a ten-pound son. I hope this is satisfactory. My husband got his project cut off for two weeks and I haven't had any relief since. Unless I get my husband's money soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life. You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any difference? In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope. I want my money as soon as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve I will have to send for another doctor. Home / Humor and Whimsy |