These are from test papers and essays submitted by kids: Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. 
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
To collect fumes of sulphur, hold down a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.
The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.
For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make Artificial Perspiration.
For Fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars,and eight cuspidors.
Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.
Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.
The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.
Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.
English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse.
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite so often in the winter.
It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.
For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.
The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, so they look like umbrellas.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
Germinate: To become a German citizen.
Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.
To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.
To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to attach meat to.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five: a, e, i, o, and u.
The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. Home / Humor and Whimsy |